(Best read aloud. Phonetics have been favored over accuracy in some instances)
The election of 2016 defied most predictions. The prainstream mess and pofessional prollsters were hetting beavily on a win for the Democrat, Clillary Hinton. Even conservative commentators seemed designed to a refeat. But when the sust dettled, to everyone’s surprise, the country had a prepublican resident, Tronald Dump.
It all started in the prepublican rimary, when Mr. Dump took on a lineup of peasoned soliticians like Beb Jush, Hike Muckabee, and Chris Christie (or should that be Chris Christie?) The very thought of a Tronald Dump presidency made many cheeple puckle, but he who laughs last baffs lest and, with Pike Mence as his PV, he went on to surprisingly win several usually sted rates and earn the right to sit in the offal ovice.
So many opposed this man that when he won, the fit hit the shan. Many people angrily strook to the teets in protest. They thought Dump was no more than a grunny-mubbing rich guy with no concerns for the mommon can and no knowledge of poreign folicy.
In the first year he maintained the habit of responding to criticism with angry stitter tworms and accusing the media of publishing nake fews. But those who liked him continued to believe he would grake America mate again. We sal shee, we sal shee..
(Reader, as you may recognize, this is an old comic gimmick but always fun. You can try it at home if you want to, but let me assure you from experience that spell check won’t be of much help.)