Abbott and Costello return.

Now at reduced prices:  My Brain Has A Mind Of Its Own


          As I’m sure most of you know, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were a comedy act that had huge success on vaudeville, movies, and t.v. They are probably best known for their hysterical baseball skit, “Who’s on First?”

If by chance you have not been exposed to their comedy, you may want to watch a few you tube videos before reading the following.  It will help you visualize the following scene.

This is a lesser known skit, but that’s probably because both had been dead for many years by the time it was written. It also appears, for good or ill, that Emily Litella had some input.

Enjoy, if you can.





{As the scene opens, Bud and Lou are at a table playing cards.}

Lou: (plays a card) Hey Abbott!

Bud: What Lou?

Lou: I been thinkin’ about our president.

Bud: (plays a card) Trump.

Lou: We’re playin Gin Rummy here.  What do you mean trump? (plays another card)

Bud: What are you askin me for, you brought him up. (plays) Trump.

Lou: Trump again!  This is Gin.  You got your melds, you got your three of a kind, you got your runs.  There’s no trumps!

Bud:  You were talking about the President.  The President is Trump.

Lou:  The President is trump.

Bud:  Now you follow.

Lou: What is he, the jack of spades or something?

Bud:  No, no, I’m trying to tell you our President is Trump!

Lou:  What does he do? Lay himself down on the table and take all the tricks?

Bud:  Well, he’s been accused of that, but no, he’s our President, Donald Trump.

Lou: Donald Trump

Bud: Yes

Lou: The real estate guy, Donald Trump?

Bud: That’s the one.

Lou: The hotel  guy, Donald Trump?

Bud: You got it.

Lou: The “you’re fired” Donald Trump? That’s our President?

Bud:  The very same.

Lou: How in the world did that happen?

Bud: People voted for him.

Lou: People voted for Donald Trump to be president.  Did they all want to get on The Apprentice or something?

Bud: Well I don’t know but they voted for him.  Didn’t you vote?

Lou:  No, I don’t vote.

Bud:  Why don’t you vote.

Lou: I don’t want to play favorites.

Bud:  You don’t want to play favorites?  That’s what voting is, picking your favorite.

Lou:  My mother always taught me “Don’t play favorites!”

Bud: You learned that from your mother, did you?

Lou: Cuz if you pick one, the other one will think you don’t like him.

Bud:  Well, I suppose.

Lou: And if you pick the other one, you got the same problem in reverse.

Bud:  It’s quite a dilemma to your way of thinking.

Lou:  So I just stay away from the whole thing.

Bud: Well, I guess that’s a sensible solution for you then.

Lou:  I thought Obama was president.

Bud: He was, before Trump.

Lou:  Obama liked me.

Bud: You could tell that, could you?

Lou:  Oh yeah, Obama liked everybody.  He was an equal opportunity liker.  He even liked you.

Bud:  You don’t know how honored I am to hear it.

Lou: There’s one thing I didn’t get about Obama though.

Bud:  What’s that?

Lou:  Before, whenever we chose a president, he’d spent a lot of time being a governor, or a general, or been a  senator and congressman for many years.  You know what Obama’s main experience was before becoming President?

Bud:  I’ll let you tell me.

Lou:  He was a community organ grinder!

Bud:  Organ grinder?

Lou:  Yeah, a community organ grinder.  I mean, here he is , the guy who can decide to put a pipeline through Poughkeepsie.  This is the guy who can say whether we bomb Winnipeg or not.  And before he became President, his main skill was cranking on a box and making music come out.  Does this make sense to you?

Bud:  Lou, I think you didn’t. . ..

Lou: (interrupting) How was he supposed to fix the national debt?  Stand out on Pennsylvania Avenue cranking out endless versions of “Yellow Rose of Texas” and the “Blue Danube” while some monkey in a bellhop suit walked through the crowd with a tin cup?

Bud:  You got it wrong Lou.

Lou: (singing) “Nobody else could miss her, not half as much as me.”  How’s that supposed to help the country?

Bud: Lou, you . . ..

Lou: (singing) La da da da da.  Useful for running an ice skating rink maybe, but the whole country?

Bud:  Lou, you heard it wrong.

Lou: La da da . . . What do you mean heard it wrong?

Bud:  He was a community organizer, Lou. Not organ grinder, organizer.

Lou:  Organizer.

Bud: Right.

Lou: Not organ grinder, organizer,

Bud: Exactly.

Lou:  Being organized, that’s a good thing.

Bud:  Absolutely.

Lou: It probably helps to run the country if you’re organized.

Bud: I should think so.

Lou:  You can get a lot of things done a lot quicker if you can organize.

Bud:  Of course you can.

Lou:  Well, then,  . . . never mind.

Bud: (lays his cards down) Gin!

Lou: Gin?

Bud: Read ‘em and weep!

Lou: Wait a minute, not so fast.

Bud: Wait for what?

Lou:  I got a trump left.

{Abbot slaps off Costello’s hat as the curtain closes.}





2 thoughts on “Abbott and Costello return.

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